Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
