I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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