I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
