i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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