She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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