If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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