I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are two peas in an std pod
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
