she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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