their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
