He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
