just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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