I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize