I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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