You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize