i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
