At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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