i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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