Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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