sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
