you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
