Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
