hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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