I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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