The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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