glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
