he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
