1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
