You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
