You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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