Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
