I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
