Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Holy sore nipples Batman
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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