There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
