you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
