I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
