fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
