Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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