I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
