By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
