Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
