I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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