she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize