I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
