Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
