I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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