I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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