so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
