i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
