she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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