I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
