Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
