Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
