Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
