I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
