You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
