Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
