apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize