you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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