I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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