Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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