I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This baby is an asshole
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
