don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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