my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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