he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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