they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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