Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
