it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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