I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
