Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
