ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize