cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
