hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
