i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Even my vagina gasped.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
