$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize