it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
