I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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