I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
