I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
