I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
