my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
