dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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