note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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