i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
