Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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