so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
