the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
