mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
