i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize