yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
