I'm so fucking centered right now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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