on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
