Are we in a gay sports bar?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
