69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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