You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize