dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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