I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize