but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
