he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
