all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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