Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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