Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
