You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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