I heard we made out
I didn't shave. On purpose
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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